Låttexter: Barbra Streisand. Miss Marmelstein.

Miss Marmelstein, Miss Marmelstein, Miss Marmelstein

Oh, why is it always Miss Marmelstein? Miss Marmelstein
Miss Marmelstein, Miss Marmelstein
Miss Marmelstein, Miss Marmelstein

Other girls get called by their first names right away
They get cozy intimate
Do you know what I mean?

And nobody calls me, "Hey, baby doll", Miss Marmelstein
Or "Honey dear", Miss Marmelstein, or "Sweetie pie"
Miss Marmelstein

Even my first name would be preferable
Though it?s terrible, it might be better, it?s Yetta
Or perhaps my second name that?s Tessye
Spelled T E S S Y E

But no, no, it?s always Miss Marmelstein, Miss Marmelstein
You?d think at least Miss M. they could try
Miss Marmelstein, Miss Marmelstein
Miss Marmelstein, Miss Marmelstein, Miss Marmelstein
Oh, I could die

I?m a very willing secretary
Enjoy my work as my employer will corroborate
Except for one disappointment one fly in the ointment
It?s great I mean simply great

But the aggravation of my situation
I might as well get it off my chest, it?s the drum appellation
Oh, pardon the big words I apply
But I was an English major at C.C.N.Y.

Drum appellation
With which I am persistently addressed
Persistently, perpetually, continually and inevitably addressed
Believe me, it could drive a person positively psychosomatic

Oh, why is it always Miss Marmelstein? Miss Marmelstein
Miss Marmelstein, Miss Marmelstein, Miss Marmelstein
Miss Marmelstein

Other girls get called by their nick names right away
Slightly naughty or risky
Do you know what I mean?

Nobody calls me,"Koo-chee-koo", Miss Marmelstein
Or "Boobala", Miss Marmelstein, or "Passion pie"
Even, "Hey there, babe" thought not respectable, ain?t so object able
It?s kind of crummy but chummy

Of course if I got married, that would do it
So, where?s the lucky guy?
Till then it still is Miss Marmelstein, Miss Marmelstein
Everyday I get more and more fast

Miss Marmelstein, Miss Marmelstein
Miss Marmelstein, Miss Marmelstein, Miss Marmelstein
Oh, I could bust